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TALES FROM THE HIGH WIRE Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

by Tiffany Schultz

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

Remember last July – when all that girl-power pixie dust was flying around Glancer Magazine? We were talking about Ladypreneurs and estrogen-fueled chutzpah and I was all “I’m going to start meditating…soon.” What’s that saying about the best-laid plans? If I’m remembering correctly, I opted to “meditate” at Whole Foods with a cart full of red wine, creamy cheese, and French baguettes.

In case you haven’t noticed, the new year is here; a time for renewal and new beginnings. So with that in mind I finally went ahead and committed to a 21-day meditation program. What’s that saying about putting your money where your mouth is?

So I got comfortable, closed my eyes, and gave myself permission to forget everything for 15 minutes. I definitely liked the sound of it, but for someone like me, I couldn’t help but feel like this was a little like Baby being put in a corner. Thank goodness, I didn’t have to go it alone. My good friends, Oprah and Deepak, were going anyways, so I decided to hitch a ride.

How I pictured it: riding in luxury – of course I would be sitting pretty in the backseat drinking Perrier and asking if anyone had any Grey Poupon. Oprah would be perched in the front seat with her pressed jeans, pretty pink polo, and perfect posture, telling us how positively pleasant this little excursion was going to be, while deity-like Deepak would captain our ship with clear eyes and a steady hand.

How it actually went down: me sitting on the cold floor, back arched like an angry cat, eyes pinched, ears popping, teeth (and butt) clenched, white knuckled and sweating. It felt much more like getting ready for ignition at the launch of a rocket into outer space, than a sojourn of peace.

So given my turbulent take off, I figured keeping a travel journal of sorts was a good idea – as if writing down the “terrain” of my journey would make me feel better about the experience as a whole.

Here’s how that went:

Day 1 – peacefulness…how does Khloe Kardashian’s hair always look so good…peacefulness…I think I need to balance my checkbook... peacefulness…could someone please pass the Cheetos?

Day 5 – peacefulness…I’m too caffeinated…eacefulness…no I’m not, I’m calm…peacefulness…am not…...peacefulness…are too…..peacefulness…am not…are too…

am not…are too!

Day 11 – I am pure unbounded awareness…I am pure unbounded awareness…I am pure unbounded awareness…I am pure unbounded hairiness…I am pure unbounded hairiness…oh snap, time to shave the legs.

Day 12 – peacefulness…Hey, I shaved my legs!…peacefulness…who am I telling that to?…peacefulness…..C’mon focus!…peacefulness…....Hey Oprah and Deepak, I shaved my legs!...peacefulness…sorry, I couldn’t resist.

Day 21 – peacefulness…Yay, I’m done…peacefulness…you are never done, my child…peacefulness…who said that?...peacefulness…it’s me, your inner calm…peacefulness…my inner calm?...peacefulness…yes, your inner calm…peacefulness…well, inner calm, your presence is making me nervous.

What’s that old saying about doing something every day that scares you? I think this qualifies.

about the writer Tiffany Schultz resides in Sugar Grove with her husband, two kids and Shih Tzu. While seeking balance between her dueling roles as wife, mother, daughter, friend and professional, Tiffany spends as much time as possible daydreaming on her screen porch. She also enjoys cooking, traveling and yoga and hopes to one day learn Italian and make the perfect crème brulee.